I was recently reading the November/December issue of Adoptive Families magazine, and found an essay specifically addressing the seeming appropriateness of this time to adopt, noting that it is "a fine season to rebuild, the perfect moment to begin anew" (pick up this latest issue if you haven't already - it's terrific). The Publisher's Letter alluded to a statement made by an adoptive parent, Lissa Hunt, in which she wrote that there is no better way to respond to tragedy than by continuing to work toward the dream of becoming a parent, by taking one's place in the circle of life. On that note…..

Congratulations!
A baby is God's opinion that life should go on. -- Carl Sandburg

There has been a wonderfully extraordinary amount of activity in A.S.A.'s domestic program during the past month, and we're thrilled to report that the last several weeks have been the busiest this year…it looks like we'll be surpassing our year 2000 final total of 69 placements (we're keeping our fingers crossed!). It brings the entire staff so much joy and fulfillment to play a role in helping build families through adoption, and our ongoing hope is that waiting families will be encouraged by knowing of the new arrivals that have recently blessed some brand new Moms and Dads…

Welcome to the world Christian, Matthew, Conor, Gina, Michelle, Michael, Maya, Abigail, Nicholas, Gabriella, Madeleine, Conor, and Nicholas!! (yes, there were two Nicholases and two Conors!)

The international program has successfully facilitated several adoptions this past month, as well, and we hold a great deal of respect and admiration for the brave families who traveled to meet and pick-up their new sons and daughters, in light of the recent world events. These families have demonstrated the true meaning of love and commitment, and we share in their joy as they've welcomed these precious children into their homes and hearts: Welcome to the United States Marissa, Irina, Anastasia, and Natasha!

Meet our Staff…

In the sixth part of our series introducing A.S.A. staff members, I'd like to introduce Kim Paxson, A.S.A.'s Interstate Compact Coordinator…

"I've been with the agency for 13 ½ years and my main duty is to file the Interstate Compact. I also make sure that all of the adoptive parents' paperwork is in order before the birthmother with whom they're matched delivers her baby. I'm married and have a ten year old son. He loves to rodeo, so that takes up most of my spare time. I also enjoy photography, cross stitching, and traveling. I hope that when your time comes to leave Texas with your new addition, the wait (for you to receive your Interstate Compact clearance) will be over before you know it. I enjoy speaking with all of you and send best wishes for the future."

One Family's Story
The best minute you spend is the one you invest in your family. -Ken Blanchard

In the midst of back to school activities, playgroups, baby gym, riding class sign ups, and lunch swaps, I steal a few moments of calm to reflect upon our family. Bess, 6 Andrew, 4, and Harrison, 1, define the very parameters of our world - a world that seemed to move in a flash from one of couples to one of children. The journey from a childless couple to a family is one of expectation, hope, worry, patience, and ultimately overwhelming joy and love.

In 1994, anxious to leave fertility treatments behind, we contacted ASA through a wonderful friend who had successfully adopted there. We were soon put in contact with Kim, who held our hand through what turned out to be a short wait.

We were matched with a young couple who seemed determined to go through with the adoption but were honest about their own emotions - saying this will be very hard for them. The birthparents were intelligent, charming, and open about all their hopes and fears. While they did not necessarily want much contact after placement, the birth mom wanted to know our name and address - in the first phone call! We decided in a split second to trust her - just as she was trusting us to be the mommy and daddy to her unborn baby. I tell you this because sometimes, things do not go by the book and you have to go with your instinct. Our first birth mom has been extraordinary in her discretion and her desire that all will go well with our daughter. We do not have an open adoption but we have kept contact with her for a possible future meeting with our daughter.

Anxious that Bess have a sibling and overjoyed by the thought of another baby, we re-contacted ASA when Bess was about six months old. We sent in another file and loads of photos and were matched when Bess was about eighteen months old. The birth parents were again a nice couple, strong in their decision. They wanted to meet us and we did; enjoying a day together and trying to get to know each other a bit before the adoption. Again, although this was not an open adoption, we wanted to maintain some contact for the sake of our children. We spoke regularly before the arrival of our son and now send photos twice a year.

Harrison arrived in our lives after an eighteen month wait - but as I look at my darling baby, I know that he was the one meant for us and we would have waited eighteen years if need be. His sweet birth mom, alone in her situation, was enormously helped by ASA. They housed her in San Antonio, introduced her to other birth moms, kept her spirits high during this difficult period and waited with her in the hospital until we arrived. While we have not heard directly from the birth mom yet (pretty typical in the first year), we know that she is happy and moving forward in her life.

Our caseworker, Yvonne, was instrumental in all our adoptions - listening to our worries, addressing our concerns and sharing in our joys. A few words of advice for prospective parents:
1. Have confidence in the agency and be patient (ha-ha) - they are working to build you a family.
2. Confide in your caseworker and follow her advice - she's the expert, not you.
3. Nevertheless, should you have a strong gut feeling - an instinct about something - follow your heart.
4. Learn to trust and like your birth mother - this may be one of the most important relationships in your and your child's life - even if you have a closed adoption.
5. PUT YOUR TRUST IN GOD

--Melanie and Evan

The Heart of the Matter

In conversations I have with many of you on a regular basis as you call in to touch base, etc., the issue of counseling sometimes arises, and several families have asked about what type of counseling birth parents receive during their pregnancy and well as post-partum. I thought I'd take a few moments to clarify the types of counseling and adoption planning services A.S.A. provides to its clients, the prospective birth parents with whom you will be matched.

A.S.A. employs four full-time counselors: myself, Nikki Lopez, Yvonne Brown, and Kirsten Grams. The counseling staff is "on-call" on a rotating basis, so that crisis counseling is available to clients after hours and on weekends. There is never a time that a counselor is not available to talk with a woman who is considering adoption or is in urgent need of maternity-related services (housing, food, pre-natal care, etc.) as part of her adoption plan. The intake calls we receive on an ongoing basis, many of which come in the middle of the night, on weekends, holidays, etc., are the most important calls we receive, because they are the first contact we have with a client who has made the courageous first step of calling to explore available options. During non-business hours, these calls are first answered by the professional answering service we employ. The answering service operators are trained to immediately page the assigned A.S.A. staff member or "patch" through the call directly if the prospective client cannot be called back (for example, if the client is calling from a pay phone). A.S.A. is cognizant of the fact that, if a prospective client contacts the agency and is not greeted with a compassionate, understanding, knowledgeable staff member, that there are many other agencies ready and willing to help her with an adoption plan. Intake calls are one of, if not the most important calls we receive.

Counseling is the foundation upon which all adoption planning is built. Birth parents are offered individual counseling, both face-to-face and via telephone, and weekly support groups are held for clients residing in the San Antonio area. If a client expresses a need for additional counseling, outside the realm of adoption planning, her counselor will assist her in locating services in her area. Through the years, we've found that some of the most important counseling that is done on a day-to-day basis is the simple, yet valuable support that is provided by our staff when birth parents telephone the agency. Its important to know that, more often than not, the entire staff, not just the counselors, are an integral part of ensuring that each client feels that she can pick up the phone and call in if she's having a bad day and needs to hear a friendly voice, if she's had a fight with her boyfriend, if her kids are stressing her out, if she's scared about the future or questioning her decision to place her baby for adoption. Because A.S.A. holds weekly staff meetings, each member of our staff is well-informed about new clients, potential matches, issues and complexities on particular cases, etc. We strongly believe in the importance of guaranteeing that if a client calls the agency needing to speak with her counselor and finds that her individual counselor happens to be out of town that day (perhaps facilitating a relinquishment and placement or conducting a counseling visit), she will not simply be asked to leave a message or call back the next day - she will be offered the opportunity to speak with another counselor who is knowledgeable about her case, and eager to help in any way possible.

The group counseling that is made available to the San Antonio area clients is primarily focused on providing support to expectant mothers as they journey through the day-to-day challenges of pregnancy and deal with a host of other personal issues with which they're faced. During one meeting each month a certified childbirth educator speaks to the group about a specific topic related to labor and delivery; this has been extremely helpful for our clients as the typical childbirth preparation classes offered by hospitals are focused toward parenthood and are inappropriate for those women and couples with an adoption plan. We've recently hosted guest speakers who have provided crucial information for our clients as they plan for their future after placement. In the past few months we've hosted guest speakers from employment agencies, apartment locating services, etc. Additionally, some of our past adoptive mothers have been generous enough to give of their time and energy and have spoken at the group meetings, sharing with the birth moms what an incredible gift it is to have been given the opportunity to be a parent.

I hope this has given you a quick glimpse into the variety of counseling services provided by our staff…

In closing, I'd like to bring your attention to the fact that A.S.A.'s international program has many waiting children currently available for adoption. At present, there are three infants (between one and two years old), two babies under one year, and several sibling groups of both boys and girls, up to age twelve. Additionally, there are regions with whom we work that require only one, rather than two, trips. If you or anyone you know are interested in pursuing an international adoption, please contact Nikki McFaddin or Janice Sanchez at (210) 699-6094. If you are currently a waiting family in the domestic program, international adoption is definitely a viable option, and our staff would be happy to guide you through the process of becoming INS approved. Depending on the state in which you live, the process of receiving INS approval could be as short as three weeks to three months, which would enable you to travel to receive you child thereafter.

As always, I welcome questions and comments about this or any other adoption topic that's on your mind….feel free to call or email me anytime.

Warm Regards, Denise Garibay, M.A. Director of Social Services

Each child is an adventure into a better life - an opportunity to change the old pattern and make it new. --Hubert Humphrey