Greetings from San Antonio!
I hope the arrival of this month's newsletter finds you all doing well and
enjoying the Summer of 2001! As usual, it's a hot one in San Antonio, thought
its actually been a bit milder than it usually is…(we're just now reaching
the 99 & 100 degree marks!)…
As I shared in the newsletter a couple of months
ago, A.S.A. recently moved its international adoption program (formerly
in Santa Barbara, California) to San Antonio. Now, both the domestic and
international programs are run from our San Antonio office, and we've found
that this has streamlined the process for families pursuing an international
adoption.
CONGRATULATIONS!
In the two short months since this change took place, 21 A.S.A. families
have traveled to Russia and Kazakhstan and returned home with their sons
and daughters. On behalf of the entire staff of A.S.A., I'd like to congratulate
each of these families, and welcome each child to the United States! Meet
these brand new American citizens, some of whom also have brand new names,
and others who've kept their birth names… Rashan (Rosie),
Alia, Anton, Karina, Valerie, Julia, Valentina, Albert, Christopher, Artem,
Michaela, Elisabeth, Irina, Maria, Sergey, Savannah, Natasha, Julia, Ana
and Natasha, Olga, Ekaterina, Nikolai, Nadezhada, Irina, Natalya, Irina,
Pytor, and Vasily…
Happily, several new babies have also joined the A.S.A. family through our
domestic adoption program, and we're thrilled to congratulate the parents
of Seth, Charlie, Brandon, Erin, and Victoria!!
I know I speak for each member of the staff when I say that it's a true
joy and privilege to work with each family as they welcome a new member,
whether it be a newborn, infant, toddler, or older child into their home
and hearts…
MEET OUR STAFF
In the third part of our series introducing A.S.A. staff members , I'd like
to introduce Yvonne Brown,
one of the Birth Parent Counselors who works in the domestic program. Here's
what Yvonne would like to share with you about herself…
"Hello to many old friends as well as new ones I anticipate getting to know!
I am also enjoying getting re-acquainted with returning couples as I watch
their families grow. What a miracle to feel such a part of so many families!
I am a graduate of Mount Union College, a small liberal arts college in
my home state of Ohio. Go Raiders! My social work experiences began working
with victims of violent crime. After a five year tenure in victim assistance
and a one year long distance romance, I was persuaded to relocate to Texas
and get married. I am a "Honorary Texan" by marriage, which justifies my
lack of a southern drawl (although I have no excuses for my constant use
of "y'all").
Many of my days away from the office are spent returning home to Ohio in
order to visit family and friends. I have been with A.S.A. for seven years
and not a day goes by that I don't learn something new. As a counselor it
becomes our job to be messenger of the greatest news at times and help keep
you hopeful during the difficult times. We are here for each of you, I just
ask that you remember that we take each and every one of your situations,
hopes, dreams, and anxieties home with us everyday - - and we look forward
to the next."
THE HEART OF THE MATTER
For those of you who are subscribers to ADOPTIVE
FAMILIES MAGAZINE, you've probably read the heart-wrenching article
in the latest May/June issue, entitled "Coping with a Failed Adoption".
Though this is something no family hopes to go through, and a situation
we endeavour to protect families from, it is a reality in adoption.
Unfortunately, there have been a few families in A.S.A.'s "family" of waiting
parents in the domestic program who have undergone this devastating experience
in the past few months, and there are no words to express the depth of our
empathy, as well as our heartfelt commitment to go forward in assisting
these families find another suitable match as soon as they are ready to
do so.
Though the focus of this monthly update newsletter in past months has been
to uplift and encourage those of you who are "Parents-in-Waiting", I believe
it is important to address this critical issue and acknowledge the loss
that our families have undergone. When a family encounters a failed adoption,
we, as an agency, focus on supporting them through their grief by giving
them time and space to mourn their loss and encouraging them to let us know
how we may best serve them at this time. Many families count on their support
group of family, friends, co-workers, and perhaps fellow members of their
adoption support group at this time, while others choose to grieve privately.
As counselors, I and my colleagues have seen families move through their
grieving process in a variety of ways. Just as with any other type of loss,
however, its normal to go through the stages of grief (as defined by Elizabeth
Kubler-Ross). The stages of grief (denial, anxiety, depression, anger, guilt,
acceptance) do not necessarily occur in sequence, and oftentimes a person
may experience a stage several times. It's important to understand that
the grief process is an individual experience without a deadline or timetable.
For prospective adoptive families, the loss of a failed adoption can stir
up past feelings of loss and grief related to infertility or the loss of
a baby through miscarriage. There is no easy way to move through these stages,
and we see families react to loss in adoption in a variety of ways - they
may want to move forward right away without "wasting any time", or, they
may want to put themselves "on hold" for a few months, wishing to spend
the time processing the event without contact from the agency about possible
cases, etc.
I've invited several A.S.A. families to share their own unique adoption
story with you, via the monthly newsletter, in the months to come. It is
my hope that reading about the "real-life" experiences of families who've
adopted, specifically from A.S.A., will provide a true picture of what a
waiting family can expect. I believe we all have so much to learn from each
other, and none of us are "experts", simply on this journey together…
ONE FAMILY'S STORY
"Over the past five years, many people have asked us if it is truly
possible to love your adopted child as much as you do your biological one.
For us, the answer has always been ABSOLUTELY YES!
After struggling with infertility for seven years, my husband and I abandoned
the idea of having a child on our own. We decided adoption was the way to
fulfill our dreams of becoming parents. On Valentine's Day our son was born.
He was placed with us three days later. Two months later, I discovered I
was six weeks pregnant. Needless to say, we were overjoyed by this news.
That November, our son had an ADORABLE baby sister with whom to share his
life. Because we want to have a large family and since we have again been
unable to conceive, we once again looked to adoption. This past February
(our lucky month) we were blessed with the placement of our third child,
a BEAUTIFUL baby boy.
To those who have the same question, let me simply answer you by saying
this; when a child is placed in your arms for the first time, I can assure
you that the feelings of excitement, wonder, and yes, love, are exactly
the same! For us, we believe that every child in this world finds its family.
We are so very blessed that ours found us."
Laura and Peter
*********************************
In closing, I'd like to thank Laura and Peter for sharing their story, and
again encourage each of you to feel free to contact me anytime to offer
your feedback, ask questions, share your concerns, or just "touch base".
Have a wonderful month ahead…savor those last fleeting days of summer, they'll
be gone before we know it!
Warm Regards,
Denise Garibay
M.A. Director of Social Services
Adoption Services Associates