One of Texan parents' favorite things to do at this time of the year is to take their little ones out for an impromptu picture-taking session in the bluebonnets. I must confess, I indulged in this ritual for the second year in a row with my little boy, and fortunately he didn't try to eat the bluebonnets like he did last year when he was only 7 1/2 months old!
On a more serious note, A.S.A. had its annual licensing review this past month, as many of you might know, and we're pleased to share with you that the agency received an excellent rating in regard to compliance with the Minimum Standards for child-placing agencies, as set forth by the Texas Department of Protective & Regulatory Services, the entity which licenses Adoption Services Associates. During this type of audit, all of A.S.A.'s records are open for review, including active cases, adoptions pending finalization, consummated adoptions, personnel files, financial records, and the agency's licensed foster home. The entire staff of A.S.A. places the highest priority on striving to ensure that all of the services we provide to children, birth parents, and adoptive families are of the highest ethical standard, as well as within the guidelines set forth by the State -- its wonderful when the staff is recognized for their diligence in meeting these goals by receiving a favorable review from T.D.P.R.S.
Congratulations!
Children thirst to hear where they came from…. They need to know that they were desired, that their birth was a wonder, and that they were always the object of love and care. --Marcelle Clements
We are again thrilled to report an extraordinary number of placements during the past month! Warmest wishes and heartfelt congratulations are extended from the entire A.S.A. staff to these brand new families and their precious additions!
Robert & Sandra- Regina May
Mark & Jamie - Angelica Maria
Doug & Cynthia - Joseph Carl
Herbert & Michele - Hunter Ian
James & Carol - Jack Rawlins
David & Linda - Ethan Joseph
Kevin & Anna Maria -Nicholas
David & Ellen - Anita Ulfelder
Ruben & Irene - Iyana Marie
Ted & Stacy - Evan Theodore
Kevin & Rachel - Deron Anthony
Doug & Valerie - Logan James Dean
Kevin & Helen - Lauren Morgan
Laura- James McAllister
Meet our Staff…
In the ninth part of our series introducing A.S.A. staff members, I'd like to introduce Nicki McFaddin…
Hello! My name is Nicki McFaddin; I am a Counselor's Assistant in A.S.A.'s Domestic program. I've been with A.S.A. for four years, first joining the team as the receptionist working with birth mothers and adoptive parents, maintaining correspondence between both parties. In March of 2001 A.S.A. relocated the International program to the agency's home base in San Antonio, at which time I was given the opportunity to be a part of this change. In the International program, my role was to help eliminate clients' worries and assist in making their adoption journey as smooth as possible. If there is one thing I have learned, working in either the Domestic or International programs, it would be that there are many families in the world today willing to open up not only their door, but also their heart, to children who are desperately in need of love and affection. I have grown to admire all of our clients, both past and present, and am looking forward to working with many more in the future. I am a single parent of two beautiful children, Tiffany, 12, and William, 8. Although being a single parent can be stressful at times, it can also be very rewarding! During the summers, we spend a lot of time in Corpus Christi at the beach and swimming in our neighborhood community pool. I feel that I have been truly blessed to have the opportunity to be a part of the A.S.A. team and to meet so many wonderful families seeking to build their family through Domestic and International adoption.
Yvonne's Fond Farewell
I must take an opportunity to announce with great sadness my upcoming farewell to Adoption Services Associates. Over the past seven and a half years as a counselor with the agency, I have come to know most if you as extended members of family. I have watched hundreds of wonderful couples transform into beautiful families. The decision to relocate was a very difficult one for my husband and myself. We have accepted an opportunity in order to advance his military career and unfortunately his assignment is in Alabama. Perhaps it is now time for us to concentrate on expanding our own family! It has been a privilege to work with each and every one of you. I wish you continued happiness, love and laughter in each of your own families. I have scheduled my departure on Thursday, April 25th and I welcome each of you to remain in contact through the agency. With much fondness, Yvonne Brown
One Family's Story
Our adoption story began at Christmas 2000 and ended only seven months later with the birth of our son, Owen Patrick, on July 24, 2001. Although we believe that we were beneficiaries of substantial good luck, we are positive that two pieces of advice that we received at the outset of this journey, and which we followed at the "moment of truth" later on, were instrumental in helping us achieve a swift and successful adoption. Before we give you that advice, let us give you a brief version of our adoption story.
After three heartbreaking miscarriages, we decided that if we were going to add a fourth child to our family, it would be through adoption. We were not optimistic about our chances, given that we were in our mid-forties and already had three children. We assumed that most agencies would reject us out-of-hand. We decided to consult with an adoption lawyer to learn about the different kinds of adoption and to get realistic assessments of our chances. That lawyer, Fred, explained the various kinds of foreign and domestic adoptions. Initially, Stephen thought we should try foreign adoption, believing that (a) it would be a "sure thing," (b) our ages wouldn't be as important, and (c) we would never have to fear that the birth parents would track us down. I had a different view. I thought that a domestic agency was the way to go because (a) we would have information about our baby's background that our child would want to have later in his or her life and (b) I was confident that a good, professional agency, to the extent humanly possible, could screen out birth parents who were not genuine in their wish to make an adoption plan. Ultimately, we agreed on using a domestic agency, and we began a search that led us to A.S.A.
We spent two--three months completing our application and, in early May 2001, were told that we were officially "Parents in Waiting". Not even three weeks later we received an e-mail from A.S.A. describing a difficult case. A birthmom had been paired with adoption parents several months earlier. She had represented to A.S.A. that her baby was the fully Caucasian child of her and her husband. Two months before her due date, she "confessed" that she was not certain who the birthfather was, and in addition, that the "possible fathers" were Latino and African-American. The birth mom did not know the names of these men and could barely describe how they looked. The original adoptive parents backed out. Thus, a scant two months before her due date, this birth mom had no plan for her unborn baby. ASA issued and "Adoption Alert" to make a swift placement.
As I read the e-mails from ASA, I was absolutely panicked; the moment of truth has arrived. All sorts of questions -- none of which make me proud-raced through my mind:
· We said we'd accept a mixed race baby, but do mean that?
· What kind of a woman is this birth mother who behaved this way?
· Do we really want a child with a birthmother like that?
· What does this mean genetically?
· Are we prepared to live with the medical ramifications of an unknown birth father?
Here's where our lawyers advice came in….
When we met Fred on that December day, barely six months earlier, he said to do two things:
1. Do not romanticize the birth parents. Understand that in most cases, birth parents that are making an adoption plan have suffered real misfortune in their lives and their life experience is wholly different from the adoptive parents who are searching for babies. It is quite seldom that the birth mom, for example, is a scrubbed college student who "made a mistake." In short, do not hold prospective birth parents to your preconceived notion of what like them to be. Simply put, they are who they are.
2. Take the first baby who is offered to you who meet the criteria you described in your application. Understanding that there is medical risk in every pregnancy and no genetic guarantee in any pregnancy-as many of us who seek to adopt know from our own painful experiences-stick to your original decisions about what you could or could not live with.
On that May day, when the e-mail was in front of me asking if Stephen and I were interested in this case, and my head was pounding with all of those doubts, my mind (or was it my heart?) went back to that meeting with Fred, and it was as if he was sitting on my shoulder repeating his advice. I remembered that yes, we did discuss all of the possibilities when the adrenaline wasn't rushing. I remembered that we had made careful, responsible and considered decisions to get to this point and now we were being given exactly the chance we had hoped for. I dug deep, put my sudden and quite emotional fears to the side, and wrote back "YES! please share our file with this birth mom!" Suddenly my concern was changed from whether we should choose this baby to whether this birth mom would choose us. Fortunately for us, that very day, she did!
--Pam and Steve
The Heart of the Matter
For waiting families, one of the most exciting yet nerve-wracking events in the journey toward becoming adoptive parents occurs when you receive "the" phone call from the agency sharing the wonderful news that you have been chosen by a birthmother or birth couple through the Parents-in-Partnership program.
You may hear the phrase that "your profile has been selected", or "you have been chosen to be the parents of a baby due to be born on….". No matter how happy the news is that's shared with you, it marks the beginning of yet another process and presents another opportunity for serious soul-searching and decision-making as you work with an A.S.A. counselor to determine if this is the right case for you.
In keeping with my topic this month, I've included a segment in "One Family's Story" which couldn't be more appropriate for this particular issue. During my telephone conversation and e-mail correspondence with you, the most frequent questions posed pertain to the process of reviewing a case, the length of time in which you must make your final decision, and what happens if you decide this is/isn't the right case for you.
Though there are many variations on the way this process may play out, most commonly, you will be contacted by telephone, notifying you that there is a case we would like to present to you (this is why it is so important to keep the agency apprised of your vacation dates and ways we can communicate with you in a timely manner when your away from home). During the phone call, you will be presented with some basic information about the case, usually including the baby's due date, the birth father's status, etc. Following the initial phone call, a packet will be sent to you via Federal Express. Because time is of the essence, once this process is set in motion, the decision-making period begins when you receive this packet of information. The package will contain the profiles completed by the birth parents, photos of them and any children they have, an estimate of expenses, and prenatal care records. If for any reason certain items are not yet available for your review, this will be documented on the cover sheet of your packet and an estimated time will be given for when you may expect to receive the missing item(s).
We are committed to providing you as much information as possible about a case, as we understand that this more easily enables you to make an informed decision. That said, it is not uncommon and in fact quite normal for there to be items that have not yet been received by the agency, and will be forwarded to you immediately upon receipt. For example, the birth mom may not have begun her prenatal care, and therefore prenatal care records are not yet available.
We encourage families to begin asking questions and reviewing the profile immediately, rather than waiting for every piece of information to arrive. When the medical records are received, you will then have three additional days to make your decision. This is a newly-instituted agency policy that will be beneficial for all parties involved. Please don't hesitate to call or e-mail me with any questions you might have about this process. I look forward to talking with and getting to know you better as you continue on your journey of building your family through adoption.
Warm Regards,
Denise Garibay
Director of Social Services