One Family's Story
November 2001

In the midst of back to school activities, playgroups, baby gym, riding class sign ups, and lunch swaps, I steal a few moments of calm to reflect upon our family. Bess, 6 Andrew, 4, and Harrison, 1, define the very parameters of our world - a world that seemed to move in a flash from one of couples to one of children. The journey from a childless couple to a family is one of expectation, hope, worry, patience, and ultimately overwhelming joy and love.

In 1994, anxious to leave fertility treatments behind, we contacted ASA through a wonderful friend who had successfully adopted there. We were soon put in contact with Kim, who held our hand through what turned out to be a short wait.

We were matched with a young couple who seemed determined to go through with the adoption but were honest about their own emotions - saying this will be very hard for them. The birthparents were intelligent, charming, and open about all their hopes and fears. While they did not necessarily want much contact after placement, the birth mom wanted to know our name and address - in the first phone call! We decided in a split second to trust her - just as she was trusting us to be the mommy and daddy to her unborn baby. I tell you this because sometimes, things do not go by the book and you have to go with your instinct. Our first birth mom has been extraordinary in her discretion and her desire that all will go well with our daughter. We do not have an open adoption but we have kept contact with her for a possible future meeting with our daughter.

Anxious that Bess have a sibling and overjoyed by the thought of another baby, we re-contacted ASA when Bess was about six months old. We sent in another file and loads of photos and were matched when Bess was about eighteen months old. The birth parents were again a nice couple, strong in their decision. They wanted to meet us and we did; enjoying a day together and trying to get to know each other a bit before the adoption. Again, although this was not an open adoption, we wanted to maintain some contact for the sake of our children. We spoke regularly before the arrival of our son and now send photos twice a year.

Harrison arrived in our lives after an eighteen month wait - but as I look at my darling baby, I know that he was the one meant for us and we would have waited eighteen years if need be. His sweet birth mom, alone in her situation, was enormously helped by ASA. They housed her in San Antonio, introduced her to other birth moms, kept her spirits high during this difficult period and waited with her in the hospital until we arrived. While we have not heard directly from the birth mom yet (pretty typical in the first year), we know that she is happy and moving forward in her life.

Our caseworker, Yvonne, was instrumental in all our adoptions - listening to our worries, addressing our concerns and sharing in our joys. A few words of advice for prospective parents:
1. Have confidence in the agency and be patient (ha-ha) - they are working to build you a family.
2. Confide in your caseworker and follow her advice - she's the expert, not you.
3. Nevertheless, should you have a strong gut feeling - an instinct about something - follow your heart.
4. Learn to trust and like your birth mother - this may be one of the most important relationships in your and your child's life - even if you have a closed adoption.
5. PUT YOUR TRUST IN GOD

--Melanie and Evan