One Family's Story
February 2002

My husband and I had waited about seven months before we were matched to a birth mother. We spent the time slowly getting the nursery together. When we got the call, I remember telling my mother-in-law, who lives with us. We held hands and jumped up and down in the middle of the kitchen. After about a day of elation all I could do was worry - what if the birth mother changes her mind, what if the baby isn't healthy, is she doing everything she should or shouldn't…

The birth mother, Rachelle, and I decided to talk every Sunday evening at 7PM. She went for her first ultrasound after our first phone call and found out that she was expecting twins. We talked about her doctor's visits, raising children, our families and our jobs. I was surprised at how well we hit it off. I wasn't expecting to actually like her. I felt that she was sweet, caring, and of course courageous. Even though I always felt better after talking to her, all my concerns still haunted me. Normally, I'm the easiest going person I know, but I was so nervous that my hair literally started to thin out.

Unfortunately, one of my fears was confirmed. One Sunday evening, she said that she felt some contractions. It was too soon in the pregnancy, but she had a doctor's appointment the next day. I asked if I could call her the following night. She said OK and still seemed fine with the adoption. But when I called the next three nights, she was not home. Nikki Lopez at ASA called me the following day and said that they didn't have good news. Everyone was fine but Rachelle had decided to keep the babies.

I was devastated and in shock. After crying for a solid day, I was ready to talk and Nikki was there for me. I also found that writing everything down helped. I became more analytical about it and tried to figure out if I did anything wrong or if I didn't see "the signs". Nikki and I both felt that because Rachelle did not take advantage of the counseling, that she was not fully prepared to go through with the adoption. I did not contact Rachelle. I thought I would just make things worse, especially if there was a chance that she'd change her mind again.

About five weeks went by. I prayed everyday for the twins and Rachelle's other two children. My husband and I began to fill out the application forms for an international adoption through ASA and I was finally feeling like myself again.

Then we got a call from Rachelle. She said that she had made a mistake. To make a long story short, ASA had the girls placed with us five days later. Rachelle explained that since the babies had to be rushed to another hospital, she only had two minutes to say good-bye. Her father was there right after the delivery and was "happy for her". Friends had bought her gifts for the babies. Even if she had been more resolved in her decision, her friends and family didn't accept the adoption plan.

They say that a woman doesn't remember the pain of labor. I don't feel the pain I went through when I lost our girls. I don't feel anything but gratitude toward Rachelle when I look at those beautiful babies. I know she had to do what she did. Katie and Rachel's adoption will be finalized in March, but I know they're our girls now, they always were. --Mary Ellen and Jason