One Family's Story
September 2002
My husband Mike and I started trying to have a child right after we were married. After trying for about a year, we started going to an infertility specialist. We did IUI after IUI. First starting with Clomid, and then moving to shots of gonal F, even surgery to remove fibroids. But nothing worked. After over a year of trying, my doctor recommended I see another fertility specialist that could do IVF. My husband and I had done a lot of praying about whether God wanted us to do IVF, but he opened door after door for us on this path, so we went for it. Our insurance would pay for 2 attempts, so we tried the process twice. During this time, we also really started to investigate adoption. I started to read books on it, and Mike and I started to talk to friends that had adopted. I was ready to stop treatments and adopt, but my husband wanted us to do all that we could medically first. After our first IVF attempt failed, we were going to just call it quits and adopt, we both spent much time in tears, grieving the biological child we would never have. And I had to grieve that the strong desire I had to experience pregnancy would just never get met. After a phone call from our doctor, we tried a last ditch attempt, with the agreement between the two of us, that if it didn't work, we would start adoption proceedings.
On our third wedding anniversary, December 19, 2001, we found out that we weren't pregnant. So we started our journey through the adoption process. Through our infertility treatments, God had really taught me to trust in Him, so I decided that I would go through the adoption process the same way. I knew that it could possibly be a long journey, and the only way I would be able to be patient through it would be to trust that God's timing was perfect.
I had pretty much chosen an adoption agency, from when we were doing all of our investigating, so when our pregnancy test came back negative, I filled out their inquiry form and mailed it off. I was very disillusioned when I got back their letter and application forms, and found out that they would not even consider us until after we had waited 6 months after stopping infertility treatments. The letter said that we could attend their orientation meeting in August (the first one scheduled after the 6 months was up), and then start the application procedure with them. I understood that some people might need that grieving time, but I knew in my heart, that both my husband and I had done our grieving, that we were ready to start the process.
A friend of a friend recommended another adoption
agency. Shortly after Christmas I called that agency, and talked to the
social worker. She made it sound very promising for us, and promised to
send their application right out. After waiting and calling back a couple
of times, I received their paperwork, only to find out that they wanted
us to be married five years before adopting. Another closed door.
I started to cold call adoption agencies from the phone book. Every one that I talked to was wonderful over the phone, and they agreed to send out their application packs immediately to me. But as I waited and waited for just one of them to arrive, I started to feel very bleak indeed. I had been prepared to have to wait for a home study to be scheduled, I had been prepared to wait for a family to be matched with, but I didn't think that there would be a problem just finding an agency. So finally one Sunday night at the end of January, I was looking up adoption agencies on the Internet, and I found the website of Adoption Services Associates. After looking at their site and reading their information, I decided that it was an agency I though I could work with, IF I could actually get them to send me information. Because calling hadn't worked so far, I just sent them an e-mail asking them for information.
Was I surprised when they actually called me the next day. After talking to them for a little bit and making sure that we didn't have to wait 6 months before starting the process, and that we didn't have to be married 5 years, I was told that they would send me their application information. After reading through it, I called to ask a couple of questions, and was able to get through immediately, AND get my questions answered. I was asked on the phone if I wanted to schedule my home study. Wow, things were getting done quickly now. I needed to talk to my husband, and let him read through the information, so I waited until the next day to call and schedule my home study. They scheduled it for about 2 weeks away! I had to really work hard to get the application and our profile to them a week before. When we started to fill out the application, my husband and I talked a lot about what medical conditions we felt comfortable accepting. We ended up checking off quite a few, realizing that if we had a biological child, God could have chosen to have that child be born with any of the conditions listed. And if the particular child he had picked out for us had a medical condition that we weren't sure about, he would equip us to handle it, and he would have a reason for it.
On February 15, 2002, Denise Garibay came to do our home study. It was a lot more comfortable than I had imagined. And by the time Denise was done, I felt like she was an old friend, rather than someone I had just met. Just before she left, she sprung a wonderful surprise on us - one of the counselors had seen our profile, and thought we would be a perfect match for one of the birth moms. Could they show our profile? We were floored. Like we were going to say no. They faxed us the birth mom's profile, and we talked it through, prayed about it, and decided that it was in God's hands. If it was the baby he had picked out for us, the birth mother would pick us, if it wasn't, then we wouldn't get matched. Monday was a holiday so we had to wait to call. Tuesday morning I called, but both Denise and the birth mother's counselor were out of the office. Finally Wednesday morning, I was able to talk to the birth mother's counselor and give our decision. Yes, please present our profile to the birth mother. Thursday evening, we got a call. The birth mother had picked our profile, our baby was due May 2nd, just a little over 2 months away. This was unprecedented. We though we would be waiting 6 months to 2 years, and yet in a little over 2 months, we would finally get to be parents.
It was a very exciting time. When I first heard 2 months, I thought that would be the perfect amount of time. I would get a 2 month "pregnancy" to get things ready for the baby. But it wouldn't be so long that I would start to get impatient. The waiting period proved to feel a little longer than I thought it would, when about half way through, it looked like the match would fall through. The birth mother was having second thoughts, and they reactivated our file. I was devastated. I moped around for about a week, not wanting to talk to anyone. Should we tell people that it was off? I felt I had already bonded with this little boy, that I could not imagine that he was not the one picked for us. It wasn't until I came to the realization that I had agreed to trust God, and I was not doing that, that peace came. I gave it all over to Him, believing that this was the baby that he had picked for us, and that He would work it all out. I was asked by Denise to start corresponding through e-mail with the birth mother, so that she would not feel we hated her for being unsure. It was a very hard thing to do, but I knew it was the right thing to do. So I started to have a one-way conversation with her. A couple of weeks later, everything was back on track, the birth mother felt that what she was doing was right, and that we were the right parents for the job.
The rest of the time flew by relatively quickly, although I so hungered to hold our little angel. Finally the time came. Our birth mother was being induced a day after the due date, and I got to be in the delivery room. I felt very blessed. Watching our little son be born was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, and it helped me to feel as if I had gone through the experience of giving birth myself.
Our little son, Zachary, was born May 3rd, 2002. He is the light of my life and when I look at him, I find myself welling up inside. I am so thankful to his birth mother and to God for this beautiful gift. And I find that that strong desire to be pregnant is gone. Our little boy is enough.
Cynde and Mike